Long Beach

It was high tide
the water lapping at the edge of the parking lot
Detritus floating on the surface of the shallow water
its shadows scurrying along the ground
like small creatures

The way the sunlight refracted around the edges
of the floating leaves, twigs, and organic bits
the shadows were outlined in a halo
an aura
I was reminded of a microscope
and of physics
and that Nature just is.

Let me set the scene for you
Gulls bathing, reeds swaying
steely blue ocean under a bright winter sun
and garbage
a wrapper, a label, a plastic bag
a cookie resisting the erosive forces
Long Beach was imperfect yet beautiful

The tide came in
the water lapped at my feet
suddenly, violently waves crashed ashore
I smiled
The Ocean was alive
fear, excitement, wonder, calm
I was alive

affirmation

i am not perfect
but i am lovable

and i am strong

i survived an alcoholic father
i ran a 5-minute mile
i survived anorexia
i got a PhD from Yale
i ran 2 Ragnars and a Toughest Mudder
i played through pain

and i am brave

i lived in a foreign country
i fought depression
i fought another eating disorder
i let someone love me
i said no

no one can take this away from me


this will be the worst thing i ever go through
(not even death will be worse)
but i am strong
i am brave
i will persevere