dancing with a goat

I have a horrible memory when it comes to books I read.  Fiction, non-fiction, nothing really sticks with me.  Andy & I were watching one of the Ring trilogy movies on TV the other day, and he spewed forth the names of the characters, lands, and creatures like they were the names of his closest friends and family.  Several years removed from reading the books  and watching the movies, I remembered Frodo and Gandolph and that's about it.

So, the fact that a line from a book actually stuck with me probably signifies it rings true.  Andrew Solomon's "The Noonday Demon" is an excellent portrayal of depression.  Technically non-fiction, Solomon weaves in his own experiences to bring to life the effects and realities of this debilitating affliction.  The book covers depression from many different angles, including genes vs. environment.  Solomon quotes a fellow depressee (?): "Living with depression is like trying to keep your balance while you dance with a goat -- it is perfectly sane to prefer a partner with a better sense of balance."

Am I trying to dance with a goat in my current work environment?  Some days, I feel like my project is out of control, a Mack truck with no breaks barreling down a mountain.  I hate chaos, disorder.  I want everything filed, color-coded, assigned due dates, tied up neatly in a bow, and under control.  I am still learning the ropes of Industry, and with my project going back into "the plant" anon, another facet of the regulatory paperwork necessary to manufacture a drug is being revealed to me.  You need the PES before you can have the BR's for the run, and you need testing methods before you can issue a PNS sheet, before you can release the RM to be used in the BR.  And don't forget the CC's, the Bill of Testing, the Sampling, the Process Characterization, the Viral Clearance Study, the WVB Stability Study, Assay Valdiation, etc etc.  And this doesn't even include the bench work -- the actual science -- I am also asked to perform.  I could be forgiven for neglecting a thing or two now and then.  Especially considering that people who supposedly are in charge of paperwork and oversight don't always know the proper procedures themselves.

And yet, other people at my company seem to have it together.  They roll with the punches.  Sure, one guy had a heart attack, but he's apple-shaped and they've shown that's bad for your heart.  So, is it me?  Do I need to change how I think about work, how I approach the unmanageable?  Or do I just need more file folders, highlighters, push-pins, paper clips, and tags for e-mails?  Is my organizational system insufficient, or is no system sufficient for the disarray that is often my company?

In other words, am I trying to dance with a goat?  Or do I need dancing lessons?