make a wish

it was Joe's birthday today. Joe turned 24. he started working at the brewery in Janurary. he is friendly, happy-go-lucky, and has a great, sarcastic sense of humor that i really connect with. and it's clear he loves working at the brewery. not just because we get to drink beer for free, but the sense of community that comes with the place is something he hasn't felt since college (or so i'm guessing). 

he jovially dropped several hints yesterday about how today was his birthday. ("It will stop raining tomorrow, because it never rains on my birthday.") so last night, on my way home from work, i stopped and got him a small cake. like a $5.99 piece of crap cake from stop 'n shop. when i brought it out today, he was surprised and so genuinely happy that i immediately became uncomfortable. he said his family didn't even get him a cake. and i don't think his family is mean or disfunctional. i just think it was just another thursday to them, and maybe they were going out for dinner tonight or something.

i totally fucking made his day. on his fucking birthday. and that fucking scared me.

i wielded power in that moment. it's not that i didn't think my act wouldn't have an effect. i just wasn't comfortable with being face to face with it, or with it being so impactful. that 'get well' card you send to your sick aunt; i'd rather imagine her smile when she opens it, not have to deal with the tears it may bring about. raw human emotion -- no thank you. 

and i realized there are hundreds of such moments every day. and i'm realizing now, as i type this, how sappy and sentimental that sounds. i'm not advocating for random acts of kindness as a way to bring out substantial change in the world. just stop and think how much power you have. whether you wished for it or not.