crying

more often than not, i'm away on the weekends, and so am not at the gym on a saturday.  i'd almost forgotten that yale hosts various sports youth tournaments, the most disruptive to me of which is squash. the squash courts are adjacent to the locker room my locker is in, so not only do i have to walk the gauntlet of parents, coaches, and players milling about in the hallway to get to the locker room, once inside i also have to endure maladjusted, overly-excited, squawking, teenage girls overrunning the place.

today, while there was the normal preening, the requisite screaming, the loud talking between bathroom stalls, there was also something out of the ordinary.  my locker is in the 2nd row; while i cannot see people entering and exiting, or using the main changing area in the 1st row, i can hear all these activities.  i heard someone enter, and then i heard a lot of sniffling.  giving this mystery person the benefit of the doubt, i figured she just had a cold.  then, i could no longer ignore what all signs pointed toward: the continued sniffling, the whimpering, the sharp intake of air -- she was crying.

i tried to make noise so she knew i was there -- so she wouldn't be surprised or embarrassed when i turned the corner of lockers to use the toilet.  she was facing the wall as i walked by.  while i was in the stall, two other girls entered the locker room, talking loudly, laughing forcedly, and even screaming. the juxtaposition of their outward jovialness and camaraderie (isn't this GREAT? we are such GOOD friends, sharing this HILARIOUS joke, this wonderful saturday TOGETHER) with the crying girl's despondency and solitariness wrenched my stomach. 

back at my locker as i finished packing my bag, i frantically considered the best course of action.  do i say anything?  if so, what?  "are you alright?" "everything OK?"  do i assume i know why she's crying, and even go a step further -- provide her with my insight: "in 10 years, this won't matter." no, rather:  "don't let this matter. you don't want this haunting you in 10 years."  or more to the point: "fuck them all.  you did the best you could."  or, do i simply walk out, quickly, with my head down, pretending her distress was not on public display?

i, cowardly, chose the latter.  but then i got to thinking, what would i have wanted, in her place?  would i have wanted generic consolation from a stranger?  or would i have wanted to be left alone, to be ignored, to be effectively granted my wish to become invisible?  

personally, i usually want to be left alone when upset to the point of tears.  but once, and i don't even recall exactly why i was crying, i was extremely touched by the kindness of this woman who offered a smile and a simple, "everything OK?"  sometimes, when we think we want nothing more than to disappear, we actually want nothing more than to be noticed, appreciated, consoled.

i wish i'd said something. i wish i'd offered a smile, or some tissues. i wish i'd simply asked, "is everything OK?" at the worst, she'd have kept on crying.  at the best, i'd have been the ray of sunshine that might have someday outweighed the memory of what caused her to be so upset in the first place.

New Years Fest

I missed the Wisconsin Women's alum tourney last year, opting to go to Lei Out instead.  Two west coasts tourneys in one winter is doable, but I also had a conference in Long Beach, which would have made 3 weekends in a row.  This year, I decided I would attend and make it a priority.  So, while my friends went to Vegas, played in the finals, barely slept, won & lost money, and generally partied like rock stars, I sat home and awaited my trip to Tempe.

The town of Tempe certainly doesn't compare to Vegas, but I tried to focus on the positives: Sun. Warm weather.  Friends.  Ultimate outdoors.  More sun.  Hometown (or close enough) of the Arizona Cardinals, who were playing in the SuperBowl on Sunday.  And neglect the negatives: the list of alums who wouldn't be making the trip (Alice, Jaime, Jill, Corinne, Jane), paucity of teams I recognized / knew someone on, Tempe is not Vegas.

I wasn't surprised by the amount of fun I had with the former BellaDonnas, even though I didn't overlap with any of them (but all of whom I'd met before): Claire, Dana, Vingers, Steph, Huldah, Schotty, Betsy, and Courtney (who isn't technically an alum yet).  And given that our pick-ups knew a Bella alum, I'm not surprised I ended up with three new awesome friends: Nicole Belle Isle, Minh, and Goldy (Bling).  And the weather was warm, as promised.  And the fields lacked true grass, as expected.

What I wasn't expecting was the following, which made them all the more special:

1. Teddy & Idaho being in attendance.  Yes, the long lost Idaho whom I hadn't drank with in years.  It was good to see him...and his college friends & mentors, which helped explained certain qualities about the unique character that is our beloved Idaho.  I'll get to an example later.  Teddy proved fun as always to party with.

2. The perks of Embassy Suites.  Not only was there a free continental breakfast, but said meal included made-to-order omelettes and *bacon* (or sausages).  Disputedly surpassing this fantastic perk was the open bar from 5:30 - 7:30.  As if all-you-can-drink-in-2-hours wasn't enough, the women working the bar made the drinks stiff, and suggested we get two drinks at a time, as the end neared.  Steph walked away triumphantly with three at 7:25.

3. Watching the Superbowl in Arizona.  The final game ended in time for us to hit up a sports bar, which was packed with enthusiastic Cardinals fans.  The fans were a friendly lot for the most part, indulging us with high-fives when a good play was made.  One such fan appeared to be by himself, so was especially eager to celebrate with us when the Cards scored their first touchdown.  Jimmy, Idaho's mentor from college, enthusiastically returned his high-five....and then slapped the guy on his ass.  The man, either numbed by excitement, alchol, or pure bromosexual enjoyment, did not react.  Priceless.

4. Buying Callahan winner shots.  Given that I didn't know many people outside of my team, and Teddy & Idaho, I decided to be friendly and make new friends.  I introduced myself to Joe Kershner, who was sitting by himself at a table next to us.  He joined our group, of which Courtney Kiesow was a part.  People eventually recognized the significance of the two people in our presence, and after a good-natured arm-wrestle, I bought shots to commemorate the occasion.  

5. Blizzard at Dairy Queen.  Need I say more?

All in all, an above-average weekend.  I played OK -- whether I really did or I just have the illusion of playing well given the lesser quality of half the teams we played is debatable.  I only had 2 non-huck turn-overs (and yes I was attempting to huck!)  It was good to get outside and run around; the partying and friends aside, this was a good "warm-up" for Team USA try-outs.  Can't say that I'd make this tournament a priority in years to come, but I am certainly not unhappy having attended this year.