Mudder, Ragnar, & Ultimate

i thought i was floundering, lost on the dark path of After Ultimate, but perhaps i have found my way. perhaps i was just on a spur, climbing up steeply to reach a clear vantage point of the path i have taken and of the path forward (at least for the immediate future), which is back to the main path, to continue on, in the same direction as before.

Tough Mudder was fun. i wish i had trained harder and more appropriately for it. i think i would have had enjoyed training harder and more appropriately for it, too. i would do it again. it is a good fit for me, requiring a mix of strength, endurance, and tolerance for being uncomfortably wet and muddy. i was the first female to finish...but also the first female to start (the race is run in waves). it was a satisfying personal endeavor, but lacked camaraderie. (it can be run as a team, but our group didn't stay together.)

Ragnar was as fun as a ~30-hour relay race can be with work colleagues, but not as satisfying as TM. i ended up running fewer miles than last year (two last-minute changes to the course reduced my total mileage from 20 to 17; i ran 18 last year) but at a slower pace (last year, 7:45 average pace)

leg 1 - 6.6 miles - 55:30, i think? (8:24.5 pace) - at 7:00 am

leg 2 - 8.4 miles - 1:07 (7:58.5 pace) - at 4:00 pm

leg 3 - 2+ miles - 20:10 (??pace) - at 3:00 am

[aside: i'm not sure why i was slower this year. i could have been tired still from TM (they were less than a week apart), but i didn’t feel tired. i focused more on distance running and mileage this year vs. continuing my pre-season ultimate training last year of speed & strength, with an occasional long run. training wisdom is starting to come around to the ineffectiveness of distance running, even to train for distance, but for some reason i ignored this and did it anyway (probably out of boredom of training for speed & strength).  to top it off, my knee started hurting this year, i think because of increasing mileage too quickly. i just don't think my body is meant to run long distances any more.]

while an 8-minute-mile pace over 8 miles for the second run of the day is still pretty good, i was expecting to do better (read: run faster), so the overall experience left me feeling unsatisfied. i am more proud of my colleagues, many of whom would not call themselves "runners", who finished the race without complaint, looking strong, and smiling. i am left disappointed, dehydrated, and sore.

prior to either of these events, i attended the first weekend of BENT tryouts. i hadn't played "serious" ultimate since october, so naturally i was excited. it was a gorgeous day, and a somewhat relaxed try-out, so naturally i had fun. digging my cleats into the grass to make a sharp cut, executing a beautiful back-hand huck, laying out high & away for an errant pass (and catching it), even throwing an imperfect flick that still ended up where i intended it. it was pure joy, pure and simple. i thought to myself, why would i ever give this up, as long as i am able to play?

later in the day, after the drive home, which included getting stuck in traffic on 95, perspective began to return. i had to rush off to my friends' b-day party, which i would have had to miss had the practice been later or farther away. my turf toe had been aggravated – manageable for a one-day 3-hour practice, but what about a two-day tourney? would i always get stuck in traffic on the way home from practice? i know i will on any tourney south of NYC. how good will the team be? will it be "worth" my time? i woke up early the next day...and got a lot done. maybe my current path wasn't a spur, but a path in a new direction.

but then, today, one day after a disappointing Ragnar, i read dusty's post about Junior Seau and life after {fill in the sports-blank} . it rang so true. i love the time and alternative experiences not-playing affords me. but sweeping the kitchen and buying placemats at Bed Bath & Beyond on a Sunday morning pales in comparison to that lay-out grab i had to wait in traffic for. the realization crystallized: i am more satisfied in my dissatisfaction after a tough loss in ultimate than i am in not meeting my mile-pace goal in Ragnar.

sure, part of it comes down to: i used to be really good at running, and it’s tough not being as good now. (or: i am getting old and need more time to recover from endurance events.) but i am still really good at ultimate. i have lingering concerns my body will not hold up, will not allow me to train to the point of no regrets. i know i will be stressed with the lack of time training and travelling and practicing and playing will leave me with. but 10 years from now, will i remember the momentary boost in serotonin retail therapy provided, the fleeting pleasure from a clean kitchen floor, or that layout grab, that imperfect yet functional flick, even that devastating loss in which i knew i gave it my all?