just another day

i don't intend for the title to be flippant. in fact, my intent is the opposite.

i'm not one for pomp, circumstance, big deals, patriotism, exaggerations, grandiosity, or ceremony. but the fact is, 9/11 changed our country & our lives. so how did i spend the 10th anniversary of 9/11?

why, ultimate, of course.

was this selfish? should i have spend the day in reflection, remembrance, mourning, celebration? who is to say? congress? the president? rudy guliani? the dead? the survivors?

i could make up an excuse that going about my business was the best way to show the terrorists that they haven't won. but it really wouldn't be more than just that: something i tell myself to make me feel better.

sad thing is, i couldn't even play. i was hurt. those who play ultimate know how that goes: emotions swing from anger (if i had/hadn't X, i wouldn't be hurt now), frustration (i just want to play; my cutting would help the O line so much), worry (will so-and-so replace me in the cup?), guilt (they have fewer subs without me / i am not getting a workout).

i tried turning my thoughts to "at least i am lucky enough to (fill in the blank)": be outside on a gorgeous day, have only a minor injury, have good friends & teammates to hang out with, have two intact legs, be alive. but they don't feel satisfying. beer, food, football, distractions aren't satisfying either. (no surprise there.)

i am old enough that minor injuries have happened before. and i am able to take a step back and say, this too shall pass. i will rest for a couple of days, take it easy for another 2 or 3, then get back at it. if i am smart, i will be fine in time for the important games. and i am old enough to be smart, to know what needs to be done, and to mentally prepare for it. but am i mature enough to accept it?

i am old enough to remember 9/11, to recall where i was when i learned of it. but am i mature enough to pause and reflect on my blessings, rather than focus on my desires?