why did i drink caffeine at 9pm?

because now i can't sleep. sigh. so, in an effort to exhaust myself i will write what is on my mind.

weekend: slow white practice at roger williams. goaltimate sat afternoon. played well. jasper later commented on my "sticky hands". woot. par-tay saturday night. lots of people got waaaasted. early, too. most of us were gone by 9pm. we are rock stars. teddy, kris, and steve puked, that i know of. stole rich's madison shirt sweet. played uber-hungover sunday, and remarkably played OK. drove home (took a little nap in the car as frank was driving). shower, laundry, dinner, TV. chatted with bill mill and sam wood. medicine men upset potomac at sectionals. harpoon pulled out a narrow win at their sectionals to make it to regionals.

what's on my mind:

guilt about lab, as usual. not really bad, but the normal anxiety i feel after fucking off for the entire weekend. analyzing my TIRFM data is still out of my control, which is not ideal, but i can manage. am energized to try try again tomorrow. would rock if i could get imageJ to work on my computer, so i could do the analysis anywhere...

dreaming about making a trip up to mass. this week. mainly to visit adrienne after her ACL surgery, but also to hit up boston and maybe play some goaltimate and visit beth (another ACL patient). could also try to help out at a BC practice with rosie, get together with bird at holy cross to throw, and hang out with peeps in beantown. but...this would irresponsible of me in a professional/scholastic sense, and could be construed as a waste of gas. but w/ev.

feeling fat, another unsurprising item on my list of things on my mind. funny how just one week of inactivity and bad eating can make you feel like a big fatso. also seeing other people (girls) happy and hooking up makes me feel ugly and fat and undesirable. but i shouldn't see things so black and white, and keep in mind that i do have a lot of friends who don't care what i look like. i will feel better after getting some exercise this week. i've never been very good at being moderate -- i ride the waves, have great weeks and bad ones, hardly ever long strings of "OK" ones.

stupid shit still on my to do list: make an appt with the mechanic, get our cable internet set-up, figure out my finances -- esp. the status of my schwab account. the latter item requires me to confront my dad about what he's been doing with my money. i'm not happy, angry in fact, but as we all know, i have issues with confronting my dad and expressing anger towards him. this could be a good practice for me...

frisbee! regionals in two weeks. practice this weekend was good -- ironed out the wrinkles in our dumps, transition offense, & zone D. i feel good going into regionals. i am pysched and motivated to get in a few more good workouts (3-4) before tapering a bit. i am confident we can win the region handily -- even without teddy, that bastard. i have been playing well, and if i can get over this stupid cold and get back to kicking my ass on the track, i will be in good shape.

people. feeling closer to teddy, which is nice. roger williams people are in general awesome and nice (and crazy partiers). living with edwin is going well. we both kinda do our own thing most of the time and seem OK with that. maybe try to do dinner once a week to catch up with each other? i still love slow white. newest member, bird, is just as awesome as the rest. miller has turned out to be a really good captain. for some reason, i'm a little bothered by the fact christina and farina are hooking up. am i jealous? or just sensitive to how it might affect the team dynamic? i dunno.

drugs. doing better on the lower dosage of paxil (down to 30mg/day from 40). weird dreams are less severe and frequent -- they still stick with me during the day, but they are less disturbing somehow. twitching has gotten better, too.

well, finally feeling a bit sleepy. we'll see if there's anything new on RSD and then maybe try this sleeping thing again.