this little piggie is broken

i don't remember feeling a snap. i do remember thinking, "why isn't she moving faster?", getting too close to my defender, and pain as i eventually kicked her. not one to stop at the stubbing of a toe, i continued to play.but the pain did not go away, so i glanced down at my foot. my little toe was taking a 90-degree turn to the left: this was highly disconcerting, so i called injury and hobbled off the field. then more pain. then sobbing.

my initial thought was that it was dislocated and that it needed to be put back in place ASAP. the EMT's took their time getting over to our field, and when they arrived, they were very unhelpful. one told me he couldn't do anything -- they weren't allowed to "manipulate" my digit -- and the other kindly asked me to breathe so i didn't pass out. then more people -- firefighters this time -- who couldn't do anything. they offer the option of me getting a friend to yank on it. this only caused me more distress, as i wasn't sure what to do, and the thought of someone pulling on my toe seemed akin to torture.

eventually word got over to my CT cohorts that i was injured, and my friend karl ran over. karl is a orthopedic PA. in other words, a hero. someone i could trust to pull on my toe if that's what it needed. he examined my toe. said he was going to gently try pulling it back into place. kerry, my giant of a friend, had come over at this point, and provided a hand to hold. i don't think he was prepared for screaming or violent squeezing, but that's what he got. the toe did not budge. karl recommended i go see a doctor.

after an eye-grabbing and baywatch-esque ride off the beach on the fire fighter's dune buggy, jake drove me in kelly's car to an urgent care facility about 5 miles away. there i entered a waiting room filled with other unlucky souls who had suffered various fates requiring medical attention. the first person i noticed, though, was an athletic type covered in sand -- another ultimate player! we were immediate friends, although we never learned each other's names. she had an immobilizer on her knee; i was immediately thankful i had merely injured my small toe.

my next 2 hours were filled with forms, waiting, trying not to look at my toe, hobbling to the examination area, blood pressure, more waiting, and finally a doctor. his initial impression was a fracture -- "that's what these things usually are" -- but ordered an X-ray to be sure. the surly radiologist eventually came to take me; she brusquely asked if i'd walked in. i said yes, but then as she strode away i realized that she was asking if i could now walk down the hall under my own power, without my friend jake to lean heavily upon. well in that case, the answer was no, so i hopped on my good leg to the x-ray room. this attracted the attention of every medical professional in the place, and was unwelcome attention from the radiologist, who responded by barking, "i offered her a wheelchair but she refused!" after two briefly and only mildly contorted poses under the x-ray machine, she told me we were done, but not to move off the table as she walked out the door. she reappeared with a wheelchair, and we exchanged an unspoken apology and thank-you.

more waiting for the results of the x-rays. the verdict: broken as suspected! the proxphalanx of my 5th toe had snapped and was causing the errant direction:
the procedure, in this case, is to numb the toe, and reset it. this is what karl had told me would happen, and after the gentle tugging i'd already been subjected to, i was thankful some sort of numbing agent was going to be involved with the violent yanking required to reduce my fracture. the doctor brought over a "cocktail" of numbing agents and proceeded to poke me with a needle. i was not prepared for how painful the numbing shot was. sure, a sting and a pinch i can take. i think he was aiming for the nerve, speared it, then wiggled the needle around a little -- twice. but soon all i could feel was vague pressure when my toe was touched, so we were ready for some action.

the exam table i was sitting on was lowered so i was fully supine. i was giddy with anticipation. was my toe completely numb? was he sure i wasn't going to feel anything? plus, i am ridiculously ticklish, so any touch of the other toes set me off. what if i kicked the doctor? i laid back and peeked up at my foot, as he put a pen between my 4th & 5th toes in preparation for reduction. with a violent movement, and a loud "snap", my toe was finally and joyously manipulated back into correct alignment. i was laughing with relief and disgust at the noises coming from my toe. the doctor continued to make adjustments, and at one point, another loud "snap" emerged, eliciting an "oh!" from those outside the curtain who were obviously entertained by all the fanfare. "that was my glove!" quipped the doctor, to curtail any further reaction from our audience.

being the proud owner of a numb, straight toe, i signed papers and collected my crutches. i hobbled out to the car, and jake and i returned to the sandy beaches of Wildwood. i felt lucky to have been spared a worse fate -- while waiting for my discharge papers, a friend of mine arrived with a broken clavicle, and it turns out my instant friend from the waiting room had dislocated her knee. and where else to be sidelined than a beach! in the sun! with vodka tonic on ice and chivalrous men fetching you beer! but next year, you can be sure i'll be taking better care of my toes.