things so complicated

how did frisbee get so messy? how did something, that is supposed to be pure fun, get so complicated? how is it my release and my source of stress at the same time?

no one was blaming me for wanting to play with the best, to improve my game, to go far, when i was trying out for godiva. maybe that was because i wouldn't be playing against them. now that i've decided i don't want that kind of time committment, and that chinstrap isn't an option, i'm getting all this flak from CT people. i feel like they wouldn't have given me shit if i were still playing for chinstrap, either. maybe i'm just imagining it, but i can't help but feel like people are going to hate me if i choose another team (slow white) over new haven co-ed. and i don't know why i can't just play with them and be happy and let that be the end of it. i don't know why i have to go and seek out something different (and new and exciting and better...there's always better, i'm never satisfied). slow white will be a better team, although this year's new haven team will be TONS better than pie was. am i snob for wanting to play with the best? but if i wanted to play for the best, i'd try out for monkeys. slow white is good and fun. so so so much fun. not that new haven isn't or wouldn't be fun. just not as much fun. sigh. i don't know.

am i dissing them, just like i've been dissed? am i doing this because i can? am i feeling so bad, when i shouldn't, because that's what i see myself doing?