insomnia sucks

so i can't sleep. again. i guess i should just embrace this time to do something productive -- use these hours upon hours of sleeplessness to benefit humanity in some fashion -- or at least me. i could balance my checkbook, catch up on e-mails, read a book, paint a picture, watch a movie, look at porn, do my laundry, clean the bathroom, learn a new language, research the origins of the universe -- something, anything, except stare at the wall and feel sorry for myself. or eating. that's equally bad as moping.

wish i had something more insightful to say, but i'm tired (all insomnia is not an energy-filled frenzy, oh no). i did learn something today: that i can't change people (a certain person in particular) and i have to just learn to accept that and move on. ok, so i already knew that but for some reason it really sunk in today. it really hit home, that no matter how many times i call and cry, no matter how much i hope, how hard i try, how badly i want it, this person won't change -- or at least i can't force them to become the person i need. i have to look for that elsewhere. wish this had hit home a long time ago. oh well. better later than never.

ok, i'm going to try reading, watching a movie, and drawing, in that order. wish me zzzz's...