klog blog flog

i am Worthy

2012-02-08T21:31:00.002-05:00

this post was going to be titled, "sometimes, beer makes me happy." but for one, that title is way too long. and for another, this statement is not true. "often" or "nearly always" would be more accurate. anyway finding myself alone and a touch desolate this evening, i desired a tasty beverage to lift my spirits. after having reluctantly spent the day working remotely while still responding to

fanatically emotional

2012-01-16T21:44:00.000-05:00

getting this upset over a professional sporting event makes me feel like petulant todder, throwing a tantrum because mommy ran out of my favorite cookies. i mean, while i follow the Green Bay Packers quite closely -- closely enough to know the names of the offensive lineman -- and, thanks to one of the best christmas presents ever, i even own stock in the team, in actuality, i have nothing to do

the unbearable emptiness of full

2011-11-25T17:15:00.001-05:00

our stomachs are fairly close to our hearts. where kids rub their abdomen to say their "tummy hurts" is actually their intestines. the heart sits atop the spleen & liver, which abut the stomach. the term "heartburn" makes more sense when the closeness of stomach (and esophagus) to heart is considered. despite their proximity, filling your stomach does nothing to fill your heart (and here i make

A Message To Women From A Man: You Are Not “Crazy” | The Current Conscience

2011-10-25T16:07:00.000-04:00

A Message To Women From A Man: You Are Not “Crazy” | The Current Conscience

it's not supposed to be like this

2011-10-05T22:41:00.000-04:00

the monday after the it happened, i was nearing the end of my swim, when it hit me: it's not supposed to be like this. (it's hard to swim while fighting back tears, your goggles filling up from the inside out, gasping for breath under water.) even if this isn't my last regionals, each one is special, different, important. the culmination of months of hard work. i had been feeling the

just another day

2011-09-11T21:48:00.001-04:00

i don't intend for the title to be flippant. in fact, my intent is the opposite. i'm not one for pomp, circumstance, big deals, patriotism, exaggerations, grandiosity, or ceremony. but the fact is, 9/11 changed our country & our lives. so how did i spend the 10th anniversary of 9/11? why, ultimate, of course. was this selfish? should i have spend the day in reflection, remembrance, mourning,

older, wiser, and lamer

2011-08-01T21:31:00.000-04:00

there are at least two stages of getting old that i am aware of. (retirement is probably the third, but i haven't hit it yet.) the first: you can't keep up like you used to. can't work out as much or as hard, can't drink as much, can't party as hard, can't play as many points of Ultimate, can't get by on as little sleep for as many days in a row. but you still try. your body complains, but it

end of May / beginning of June

2011-06-02T10:40:00.000-04:00

5/28: skillz n' drillz n' boot 5/29: bike ride, 27 hilly miles (http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=4541908) ~15-16 mph average 5/30: throwing (at lacrosse goal & trash can) 5/31: track + throwing Fartlek: 2 laps of sprinting straightaways, jogging curvesDo the following 2x through:( 2x200 – 45 seconds between 200sRest 2 minutes4x100 – 30 seconds between 100sRest 2 minutes8x50 – 15 seconds

ragnar

2011-05-22T10:28:00.000-04:00

1st leg, leg 11, ~3pm Fri - 7.2 miles in 54:45 (7:36 pace) 2nd leg, leg 23, ~2am Sat - 4.6 miles in 36:21 (7:54 pace) 3rd leg, leg 32, ~11 am Sat- 6.2 miles in 48:14 (7:47 pace) Total: 18.0 miles, 2h:19m:22s, average 7:45 pace

of recent

2011-05-19T09:24:00.000-04:00

tapering for Ragnar wed 05/18: core at home, stretching in AM tue 05/17: 1-mile w/up jog, active w/up; 2 mile fartlek on track of stride straight-aways, jog curves, in 14:00 mon 05/16: nothing? sun 05/15: lifting (squats, rev pull-ups, 1-arm DB bench pr, 1-leg 1-arm RDLs, 1-leg jackknifes on PB, standing rows, step-ups, opposite arm-leg crunch on PB) sat 05/14: nothing fri 05/13: 5-6 mile run,

Community

2011-05-15T11:01:00.000-04:00

I was fortunate enough to know Sue Peterson Kosednar -- she was my paternal grandam's cousin, making her my second cousin once removed (I quite pleased when I figured out my genealogical relation to her). My grandma was orphaned at age 11 or 12, and went to live with Sue and her family, so she was more like an aunt to my dad and his siblings. Sue passed away in March, and a memorial service was

PB choc chip cookies

2011-02-13T21:50:00.000-05:00

followed the recipe from this site: http://80breakfasts.blogspot.com/2010/06/peanut-butter-chocolate-chip-cookies.html dough was sticky; added a bit more flour. dropped by generous teaspoon onto baking sheet. cookies were done within ~9 min. let cool on pan for 1-2 min, otherwise they will fall apart. good!

pumpkin squares

2010-11-28T11:06:00.000-05:00

did a cross between this recipe (scroll down to "Pumpkin Pie Squares") and this one. CRUST 3/4 c. flour 3/4 c. oats 1/2 c. chopped nuts* 1/3 c. brown sugar 1/2 c (1 stick) butter, melted mix all dry ingredients together. i used pre-chopped walnuts. pour melted butter over top. combine. pat into pan. this did not make enough for a 13 x 9 pan (would probably have to double). patted into

the end.

2010-11-03T21:45:00.000-04:00

i am still grappling to come to terms with the end of my/our/the ultimate season. i joined a new team, played a new role, played with new teammates, played with my significant other. we had our ups and downs as a team, cruising all year, hitting some bumps come series-time, pulling through to make the finals, but ultimately falling short of gold. anyway you look at it, though, it was a

dancing with a goat

2010-10-06T22:51:00.001-04:00

I have a horrible memory when it comes to books I read. Fiction, non-fiction, nothing really sticks with me. Andy & I were watching one of the Ring trilogy movies on TV the other day, and he spewed forth the names of the characters, lands, and creatures like they were the names of his closest friends and family. Several years removed from reading the books and watching the movies, I

yogurt dressing & almond cookies

2010-08-21T22:17:00.000-04:00

yogurt dressing recipe was supposed to be: 1c plain yogurt juice ~1/2 lime 2T white wine vinegar 1/2 t salt pepper plus some parseley, which i didn't have. this didn't taste very great, so i added: 1T creamy horseradish sauce this made it good. added to broccoli slaw, but was also good on carrots. almond cookies got recipe off of the back of the oat flour package cream together: 1/2 c

happiness

2010-08-19T15:27:00.001-04:00

"maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere, doing something else, being someone else."

blueberry crumb bars

2010-07-29T23:05:00.001-04:00

brought to my attention by steffi, i got this recipe from the smitten kitchen website. smitten kitchen is as equally sophisticated as 101 cookbooks, but with more humor & wit. followed the recipe (shocking!). added egg at same time as butter (was nervous about this.) may not have mixed dough properly/enough (cut butter into flour mixture with 2 butter knives; maybe should have used my hands

steak - it's what's for dinner, take 2

2010-07-20T20:01:00.002-04:00

3T teriyaki 1.5 T soy sauce 1 T ginger garlic paste ~1 T honey marinated frozen london broil steak at RT (it was hot) all day. refrigerated for ~2 hours in the evening grill on medium heat yummy!

steak - it's what's for dinner

2010-07-16T20:01:00.002-04:00

dry rub on london broil steak based on this recipe 2 Tablespoons of Chili Powder 2 Tablespoons of Paprika 1 Tablespoon of (regular) Oregano 1 Tablespoon of Thyme 1 Tablespoon of (regular) Basil 2 Teaspoons of Dry Mustard 1 Teaspoon of Cayenne Pepper didn't have garlic powder so added instead: 2 Tablespoons of Garlic salt could use a little more salt steak was over-cooked, but rub was

meatloaf

2010-06-24T22:28:00.001-04:00

based on Alton Brown's recipe, with the following modifications: - substituted 1/2 cup italian-flavored bread crumbs for the croutons - didn't have any carrots or red pepper; substituted 1/2 red onion - didn't pulse anything. chopped onions fine. mixed all together by hand. - no glaze (dear god). cooked in glass loaf pan. - ~2 lbs ground beef, leftover from district 5 BBQ (courtesy of DJ). -

Team USA try-outs

2009-03-03T14:05:00.001-05:00

It was distinctly odd to be flying into Tampa and for it NOT to be October, for it NOT to be Nationals. I am usually somewhat nervous for Nationals, but this sort of anxiety was different – I am usually calmed somewhat when contemplating the challenges facing my team at Sarasota because we are a team. This time, I was on my own; I only had myself to rely on. But, as it turns out, this was also

crying

2009-02-07T22:24:00.004-05:00

more often than not, i'm away on the weekends, and so am not at the gym on a saturday. i'd almost forgotten that yale hosts various sports youth tournaments, the most disruptive to me of which is squash. the squash courts are adjacent to the locker room my locker is in, so not only do i have to walk the gauntlet of parents, coaches, and players milling about in the hallway to get to the locker

New Years Fest

2009-02-03T17:36:00.002-05:00

I missed the Wisconsin Women's alum tourney last year, opting to go to Lei Out instead. Two west coasts tourneys in one winter is doable, but I also had a conference in Long Beach, which would have made 3 weekends in a row. This year, I decided I would attend and make it a priority. So, while my friends went to Vegas, played in the finals, barely slept, won & lost money, and generally partied

Team USA

2009-01-26T20:05:00.003-05:00

I was aware of some dim chatter a couple of months ago about how the UPA should hold try-outs for choosing Team USA this year, instead of simply hand-selecting the team as they did in 2005. The Huddle posted a Feature about it, but timing -- it appeared just before Club Championships -- prevented it from attracting my attention. Later, Chicken was chirping in my ear about, how he was going to

Lei Out 2009

2009-01-22T13:44:00.005-05:00

Lei Out 2009 was perhaps one of the most fun tournaments I've ever experienced, despite the playing actually not being that fun. I dropped the disc more times in one day than I dropped it all of last year. I don't know what was going on with me. But, aside from my lackluster playing, I still walked away from the weekend with a huge smile on my (newly tanned) face.Where in the world will Kendra

10 miles of pure awesome

2008-11-26T21:45:00.003-05:00

Last Saturday, Ironside held its (first annual?) Beer Run -- 10 miles through the streets of Boston, visiting 10 bars, in 6 hours. The brainchild of Sam "Hummer" Rosenthal, and charted out by Matt Holzer, it started at the Washington Square Tavern in Brookline, and ended at Colin Mahoney's house in Somerville. I remember few bars in between by name -- John Harvard's refused to serve us; Sevens

stem cells

2008-11-17T22:12:00.006-05:00

i am participating (as of last week) in a law school reading group entitled "Genomic Freedom and Cognitive Liberties". a grandiose title for a class that seems to be a friendly forum for the discussion of legal and ethical issue that pertain to the recent genetic advances in biology.this week's topic is "How to fix yourself with your own cells" -- basically, cloning and stem cells for research (

florida, chapter 2: Obama

2008-11-07T19:51:00.003-05:00

"Huck the Vote" is the brainchild of Nick Reich of PONY. You've got 300+ young, motivated, typically liberal Ultimate players coming to the swing state of Florida just days before a momentous presidential election. Why not organize them into staying for a few days before/after Nationals to campaign for Obama?I first learned of HtV from Tim O'Shea, and was quickly invited to join the Facebook

florida, chapter 1: Nationals

2008-11-07T19:09:00.002-05:00

arrived wednesday. was on shopping duty, as i had the BJ's card. made the most of the trip, but it still sucked and i was tired & cranky when i got back to the condo's. we stayed at House of the Sun (HOTS) this year, as opposed to Sea Shell Condos, where we stayed last year and all of Boston stayed this year. HOTS had washer & dryer in each unit, which in my mind was worth the switch alone.

lessons learned

2008-10-22T20:52:00.004-04:00

1. do not try to become a handler in the 10 days before nationals.we did a marking -- and more importantly for this lesson, a throwing -- drill on both saturday and sunday last weekend at practice. i guess i don't normally fake and pivot with such conviction (it was a straight-up mark), and my right quad was SUPER sore on monday. tuesday, it was feeling better enough to lift in the AM, and by

stepping outside

2008-09-23T19:02:00.002-04:00

the quiet solace of a library. which i have not sought in years. i guess i've created different spaces for myself, in which to think, write, and study -- the last of which i haven't really had to do in years, which may also explain the prolonged absence of this hushed environment in my life.the new bass libray on campus is quite nice. well-lit. dark-wood desks and tables. plenty of private

i'll be OK

2008-09-11T22:53:00.002-04:00

(cue Aesop Rock...)it hit me today...finally, and completely, that i'll be OK. one would think that a feeling of peace would have accompanied this realization. but instead of contentment, i felt a precarious anxiety, an apprehensive resignment. like walking on thin ice, wondering when or if i'll break through. cranking the jack-in-the-box, anticipating its sudden explosion. trying to blow up

bikes were made to be crashed

2008-09-04T12:32:00.007-04:00

...'cause if you don't crash, you ain't ridin' hard enough. or, you're just plain stupid.the ingredients: slick ground from the overnight rain. thin road bike tire not providing much traction. dropped sunglasses, which had been hastily shoved into spandex, as the overcast morning rendered them extraneous. urgent braking -- no reason to stop suddenly, but the conditions were such that a moderate

intimacy

2008-08-28T14:34:00.002-04:00

heard this on NPR the other morning and found it interesting. took some effort to track it down, so copied it here to find it more easily in the future...http://www.wshu.org/news/story.php?ID=5974Commentary: Intimacy Betsy Stone Stamford, CT August 26, 2008

growing pains

2008-08-19T22:50:00.002-04:00

faced with challenges, owning up to our limitations, accepting undesired outcomes. in the face of adversity, after a moment of self-pity and fleeting thoughts of resignment, recognizing the choices before me, and acting strongly, capably, maturely. of course, acting is as much a mental game as it is one that manifests itself in the physical world. dwelling not on the negative unknown, but

i feel pretty

2008-08-14T13:55:00.006-04:00

i never learned how to be pretty.i'm not fishing for compliments on my physical features, simply commenting on the fact that i was not instructed in ways of beautification as a young girl -- to this day i don't really know how to style my hair, apply make-up, or construct a stylish outfit. i have a vague sense of what looks good and what doesn't, but no solid foundation in beauty, cosmetics, or

this little piggie is broken

2008-07-29T18:41:00.005-04:00

i don't remember feeling a snap. i do remember thinking, "why isn't she moving faster?", getting too close to my defender, and pain as i eventually kicked her. not one to stop at the stubbing of a toe, i continued to play.but the pain did not go away, so i glanced down at my foot. my little toe was taking a 90-degree turn to the left: this was highly disconcerting, so i called injury and

interested vs. committed

2008-06-04T12:56:00.002-04:00

There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results.”

coping by planning

2008-05-21T21:29:00.002-04:00

merritt and i have been throwing once a week for a while now. it's been great practice, and great to have someone to throw with. throwing is weird for me...i'm so self-conscious about my flick, there are few people with whom i feel comfortable really practicing throwing -- not being afraid to try new grips, release points, angles, follow-thrus, etc. so it's been great throwing with her. not

games

2008-04-11T16:07:00.002-04:00

i've decided i need to play more games. they make life more fun. for example, yesterday the game was to buy more than $20 worth of cereal at Target. i rocked that game. i like cereal, and i like Target, so it was an easy win. today's game was: pretend it's not friday and i actually really want to get some work done. success! i'm so good at this.maybe tomorrow i will play "find the bottom of

sugar rehab

2008-03-28T21:00:00.004-04:00

i'm not really quite sure what precipitated my decision to give up sugar for a week. well, i do know what catalyzed it. it was an article i read on-line, basically saying how bad sugar (in particular high fructose corn syrup) is and how it's in everything. but i read tons of those articles. what i don't know is why this one read on this day made me take action. whatever the reason, one of

no surprise here

2008-03-09T23:03:00.002-04:00

it's no surprise that i suck at blogging. huge, major life events, and i haven't taken the time to document them. - my first first-author paper (aka my ticket out of grad school): rewriting it, resubmitting it, it getting accepted, going through the proofs. most of this sucked. the only good feeling was hitting the "submit" button, and seeing my name in "print". the rest, sucked. i am not

i'm a peach

2008-01-03T21:33:00.001-05:00

The Peach Random Gentle Love Master (RGLM) Playful, kind, and well-loved, you are The Peach. For such a warm-hearted, generous person, you're surprisingly experienced in both love and sex. We credit your spontaneous side; you tend to live in the moment, and you don't get bogged down by inhibitions

more vocab

2007-12-25T12:35:00.000-05:00

in·vei·gle [in-vey-guhl] –verb (used with object)1. to entice, lure, or ensnare by flattery or artful talk or inducements (usually fol. by into): to inveigle a person into playing bridge.2. to acquire, win, or obtain by beguiling talk or methods (usually fol. by from or away): to inveigle a theater pass from a person.tau·tol·o·gy [taw-tol-uh-jee] –noun1. needless repetition of an idea, esp. in

thanks a lot, dennis

2007-12-17T19:29:00.000-05:00

i ran into my old "friend" and former roommate dennis today. after we exchanged the compulsory "how's it going?"'s, i divulged that my paper had been accepted, but that it needed "major" revisions. he was inquired as to the nature of the "major" revisions. i told him that no further experiments were needed, only a massive overhaul of the text. his response to this was, "oh, it doesn't mean your

moving forward

2007-12-16T22:13:00.000-05:00

- reviews of my paper came back: accepted with "major" revisions. they actually used the word "major". it was really hard for me to read the reviews. their nature is to be harsh, critical, and unless your paper is near perfect, they don't have too many positive things to say. and we all know how well i take criticism. enrique thought they were pretty good reviews. i thought he was crazy. i

discoveries

2007-12-07T09:50:00.001-05:00

two things i've discovered lately:- climbing is a lot of fun. part of it is using your entire body to pull yourself up a wall; part of it is the adrenaline rush you get from being 40 ft off the ground, your life in the hands of a knot and your belayer; part of it is doing something that has a learning curve for me again -- each time i go, i'm a little bit better, a little bit stronger, can climb

vocab

2007-12-06T10:20:00.000-05:00

capriciouscontrivancesp.s. i must be a dork because i became giddy upon reading the following sentence fragment: "...muscle, which is a cellular viscoelastic solid of constant volume."

bone of wishes

2007-12-02T22:25:00.001-05:00

hope springs eternal when there is a wishbone to be pulled upon, a birthday candle to be blown out, a fortune cookie to be opened. it doesn't take a scientist to know that belief in these...traditions? superstitions? wives tales? what are they?... is silly and not founded in reason. but yet the appeal of placing your destiny into an act of chance -- into how the dried bone of a bird carcass

decisions

2007-11-28T17:00:00.001-05:00

i hate making them. i am bad at it. not that i necessarily tend to make the wrong or a bad decision (although i tend to only remember the bad/wrong decisions, and not the times i made a good/right decision) but that i hem and haw and even when i finally act and decide, i second-guess myself. i'll save this discussion & analysis for another time; for now, i'll content myself to just list

giving of the thanks

2007-11-24T00:49:00.001-05:00

rather than get all sentimental and talk about what in my life i am thankful for, i will discuss, instead, how i am responsible for the death of one very large bird.sure, i've had turkey at thanksgiving before. pretty much every year, in fact. even the year our kitchen was being remodeled and my mom made dinner in the microwave; even the year i was in australia. i don't remember what i did in

tidbit not to forget

2007-11-02T16:21:00.000-04:00

woody allen's cousin is on my research committee (bill konigsberg).that is all.

nationals: the playing

2007-10-30T19:51:00.000-04:00

i did it. i survived another ultimate season. for some reason, this one seemed harder than years past. maybe it was because there was more on the line, because we were expecting more out of ourselves. maybe it was because more was expected of me, being on the O-line and contributing to the leadership of the team. maybe i had more invested in the outcome of the team. i was just struck, at various

overload

2007-10-04T22:29:00.000-04:00

i don't know what to think or feel right now, and i don't know where else to turn right now but to my blog. i just don't think anyone* would understand what i'm going through right now.i was just away at two conferences. the first, last monday thru last wed, was in chevy chase, MD at the HHMI headquarters (HHMI stands for howard hughes medical institute -- basically, howard hughes started this

CHC

2007-09-12T21:00:00.001-04:00

it's always fun to win a tournament, no matter how big or small, no matter how good or bad the teams in attendance, and no matter who was or wasn't there. not to take away anything from mr. briefcase, rival, and flaming moe. they all gave us good games, and made it worthwhile for us to travel to chicago. it just wasn't an ECC/spawnfest or BI of this year, but i guess they can't all be.man, i'm

just what i needed

2007-08-28T23:52:00.000-04:00

my quintessential post-tournament unproductiveness lasted a bit longer than usual, spilling over into today, tuesday. i got out of bed a decent hour (for me at least -- by 9am) but i lingered over breakfast and my first cup (ok more like pot) of coffee from my new gevalia coffee maker. car-related errands were then run, at the leisurely hour of 11, and the decision not to go into lab today was

not lost

2007-08-23T22:14:00.000-04:00

there is a difference between not being where you want to be / not taking the route you intended and being lost. in the former situation, you still know around-about where you are, you are more or less confident in the direction you are headed, and you know from where you've come and how to get back home. when you're lost, you have no clue of any of the above. it's kinda like this bike route i

trip

2007-08-21T02:11:00.000-04:00

aug 11-14: wisconsin10-year high school reunion saturday night. weird and awkward and fun all in one. glad i went. weird to see some people i hadn't even thought about in 10 years, but also good to see some people (matt raboin, meghan boyle to name a few).drove down to platteville to visit grandma. she is slowly but surely recovering from 2 surgeries (1 planned for her back; the other

Wallingford Plus Plus

2007-07-26T16:07:00.001-04:00

i went for my "weekly" early-morning bike ride today with tara. since kaury was not in attendance, we decided to do a "harder" route: the "Wallingford" ride. and, if we were feeling up to it, we could tack on an extra 4 hilly miles to complete the "Wallingford Plus" ride.15 miles out, we get to an intersection and tara asks me how i'm feeling. "let's do it!" i say. i'm feeling pretty good.

hmmm, i'm bored. i think i'll do a triathlon

2007-07-22T23:05:00.000-04:00

actually, my thought process was more like, "i'm not playing ultimate this weekend. WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO WITH ALL THAT SPARE TIME?" such is how i came to do a sprint triathlon on my own on saturday.i didn't even know how to spell 'triathlon' correctly before last week, let alone the distances involved in one. thanks to wikipedia, i discovered that a sprint tri, the shortest of the

miscellaneousness

2007-07-17T12:37:00.000-04:00

that's really the noun form of miscellaneous, btw. i swear. oh, and "ginormous" is now officially a word in the Miriam Webster Dictionary. it's actually been around since 1940.i just realized how boring my last post (except for the part about my grandma) must be for most of you...well everyone, in fact. i'll try to make tournament re-caps more exciting from now on. i will at least include

Philly Invite & my grandma

2007-07-16T15:40:00.000-04:00

philly invite this weekend. actually in allentown, PA which is north and a bit east of philly. but whatever, it was an easier drive for me/us, since it did not require spending as much time on the NJ turnpike.we went 4-0 the first day, beating delmarvelous (13-5), black molly (15-13), bashing (13-6), and germ circus (13-4). sunday morning finished out pool play beating anacosta all-stars (13-5

Johari Window

2007-07-13T14:24:00.000-04:00

this is kinda cool. please visit my site and click on some words!http://kevan.org/johari?name=K-Fred

Sandblast

2007-07-12T16:36:00.000-04:00

after an adventure getting to chicago (which included spending the night at LaGuardia -- fuck you American Airlines!), i finally experienced the magnificence that is Sandblast.first, the bad. (1) the beaches are less than pristine. the sand is soft enough, but laden with shards of glass. thankfully, the shards are for the most part dull and/or buried enough in the sand so as to be harmless,

note to self

2007-06-27T16:08:00.000-04:00

do not try to take out your cornea. contact, yes. cornea or other permanent eye fixture, no.

tweety must die

2007-06-13T00:27:00.001-04:00

i spoke too soon...the. bird. is. back.i need shotgun.

drunkity drunk drunk drunk

2007-06-12T23:31:00.000-04:00

(ahhh, i miss frank. he would say that: drunkity drunk drunk drunk)in the spirit of blogging more, here is what has been on my mind lately:schizo bird. there has been a bird in my neighborhood lately, that i have decided, is schizophrenic. it chirps at ALL HOURS OF THE DAY. including MIDNIGHT. or whenever i am trying to sleep. or trying to work from home. all the freaking time. and not

injured

2007-06-11T23:35:00.001-04:00

haven't posted in a while. mid-year's resolution: to post more often.today's topic: being injured and why it is GOOD. yes, that's right: there are good things about being injured. the BAD are obvious: can't play ultimate, can't train for ultimate, start to suck at ultimate. so what are the good? here is my perspective.first, it makes you slow down and listen to your body. i can't run right

fuck you, insomnia

2007-03-19T01:21:00.000-04:00

can't sleep. as usual, much on my mind. let me share:pretty good weekend. snowed all day friday, so my trek to/from the gym was more fun than usual. then jonas called to invite me out drinking. yes, please! to CM's with jonas, sierra, sma, and sloppy. had a delicious turkey burger, and they have the best salads: nice field greens with some sort of creamy yet vinegary dressing. yum yum

aaaaaaaAAAAAAAHHHHHge

2007-03-12T21:52:00.000-04:00

my old roommate, whom i loved living with and who loved living with me, said that he never experienced "aahge" (not sure of the spelling) while living with me. "aahge" is best described as a combination of feelings that cause you to feel rage and that make you want to yell "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" aaahhh! + rage = aaahge. i am feeling aaahhhge tonight, and i'm not sure why. i think i

bal-tee-more

2007-03-08T00:50:00.000-05:00

actually, it's pronounced "bahlmohr" in the local tongue. and they call you hon. i'm glad i was told that my first night in town, otherwise i would have gotten offended a couple of times and might have gotten kicked out of bars for slapping the server.yes. so. i was in Baltimore for the 2007 Biophysical Society meeting. good times. general impressions of baltimore: MUCH nicer than i expected.

the science of beer

2007-02-27T13:52:00.000-05:00

the cool thing about scientists is that they can make anything geeky, and thus justifiable. including drinking beer.i went to this talk last night at the New York Academy of Sciences (NYAS for the initiated) entitled, "The Science of Beer". it was given by this brittish guy who's studied beer brewing for like 20 years. what a cool job. his specialty is the malting process and hops, as opposed

ms. nice gal

2007-02-18T22:56:00.000-05:00

sean texted me, out of the blue: "Any chance you might consider helping me bone up on some math?" and then, 5 minutes later, "I would realllly appreciate it. I take a placement exam this week."what's a nice gal to do? does she be, well, nice and help the guy out? or does she avoid the potentially messy situation and say no? why does she feel the need to be nice? and why the need to be nice to

Winter Sun

2007-02-15T17:37:00.000-05:00

Winter Sunpale in your colorweak in your intensitygone so quicklybeneath the horizonWinter Sunsetsignalling the end ofanother daydispelling any hope ofmore to be done todayin the Sunanother daygoneWinter Sunyou are therebut i cannot feel youlike i feel the Summer Sunare you fake?or do i simplycease to feelin the Winter?Winter Sunsetthe last rays of daylightgrasping weakly at the horizonfighting

what about me?

2007-02-13T13:39:00.000-05:00

just when you thought i was going to have one of those "normal" blogs, in which i just talk about what i do on my weekends, etc., BAM! i come back with an introspective post about my latest "revelation" in therapy.this week's musing is about how i make myself and my needs small, forgotten, overlooked in the face of others. happened with fi, happened with sean, is happening with edwin. has

weekend at Mt. Snow

2007-02-11T23:17:00.000-05:00

at Mt. Snow in VT with Pass & Farina, and Pass' parents. also met Farina's parents this weekend. was calling Pass and Farina Christine and Chris by the end of the weekend.highlights of the w/e: TV. sleeping in. eating. snowshoeing, but not before getting stuck in the ditch and having no fewer than 6 snowmobilers literally lift my car up and out of said ditch. getting a mondo blister. pocket

one thing i don't like about me

2007-02-03T23:35:00.000-05:00

every once in a while we come to realize something about ourselves that we don't like. and i'm not talking about that gray hair you just found behind your ear, the cellulite on your thighs, the zit that's erupted on your forehead. i'm talking the lying, the cheating, the dishonesty. to varying degrees of severity, sure, but it's all bad.for me, this came most recently in the realization that i

Vegas!

2007-01-29T22:18:00.001-05:00

went to Club Trouble in Vegas this past weekend. this was notably fun for two reasons: 1) i played womens. 2) it was in Vegas. let's start with #2. having never been to Vegas before, it was all new and rather overwhelming to me. there were slot machines in the airport to greet me first thing off the plane. the bright, shiny, glittery lights hurt my eyes. the casino in the lobby of the hotel

i am not superwoman

2007-01-23T18:28:00.000-05:00

i had somewhat of a major realization today in my session with lisa: i can't do everything i want to and do it all well. you'd think i'd have realized that by now, but it really only hit me today. i've been setting myself up for failure all this time, thinking i can work long hours in lab, get a good workout in, cook myself dinner, and go out with my friends every day. and i was shocked to

Infinite Intensity

2006-12-26T13:37:00.000-05:00

I asked for and received a fitness/training book called "Infinite Intensity" for christmas. The subtitle is "The ultimate low-tech / high-effect program for maximum speed, endurance, and strength." Sweet. It's by this dude named Ross Enamit, a combat athlete and really scary-looking dude. He has built his own dumbbells and referes to "the Iron" as if it were a living, breathing human being.

Landmark Forum

2006-12-11T10:59:00.000-05:00

don't have time to re-hash my thought on the Landmark Forum, which I attended this past weekend in Quincy, MA (pronounced "quin-zee" and not "quin-see"). so here is an excerpt from the e-mail i wrote to my sister about it:-------so. my weekend. my weekend was spent in a room with 74 other people, trying to desparately to be "transformed". because that's what we were promised, for $425.

catharsis

2006-12-05T10:56:00.000-05:00

i feel like i need to purge australia still...i never blogged about the non-frisbee stuff, which is what i need catharsis from. it feels like there is this poison still in me, and i'm not sure how best to cleanse my system.things were fine up until about thursday of the second week. first week was spent in sydney with frank, hammer, kris, miles, & steve. i was getting a little sick of some

Frisbee update - Nationals & Worlds

2006-11-30T23:47:00.000-05:00

Wow, I haven't blogged in a while. I know if I try to recap everything, I'll give up halfway and then nothing will get posted. So I'll have to do short work of things, and the dominant force in my life as of late has been Frisbee, so I'll start with that.Nationals - Slow White took 2nd! or, Slow White took 2nd. Depending on how you look at it, 2nd is both great and awful. It's great because

why i am anti-minute rice on a friday night

2006-10-13T21:22:00.000-04:00

had i had minute rice, i probably would not have stopped to buy the gourmet cheese and crackers on the way home from lab to stave off my hunger while i fixed a real dinner.had i not bought the gourmet cheese and crackers, i probably would not have opened the bottle of wine.had i not opened the bottle of wine, i would not have been happily tipsy while preparing dinner.had i not been happily tipsy,

the blahs

2006-10-05T22:41:00.000-04:00

i am sinking into the all-too-familiar feeling of blah where i don't want to get out of bed, making decisions becomes difficult, and curling up behind the cabinet in the hallway starts to seem like a really good idea. i shut down. i become lethargic. motivation lacking. will power gone. getting excited about lab or even frisbee takes more energy than it should.regionals is this weekend. i

weekend recap

2006-10-01T23:24:00.000-04:00

good weekend. had a party friday night. was suprisingly well-attended and successful for the last-minute-ness of it. saturday, ultimate -- played with ramona at coffee cup. was surprisingly fun. i think part of that had to do with the fact that i was there voluntarily, i.e. i wasn't expecting or being forced to be there. and, i got to play. and, holly wasn't there, so i didn't have to deal

standing up for myself

2006-09-26T23:58:00.000-04:00

i did it. i wrote my dad an e-mail about my Schwab account. i talked about it with Lisa today, and we went through the scenario of how the "conversation" would go. (yeah, so e-mail isn't really a conversation, but it's the closest thing a wuss like me can get to communicating with my big bad scary father.) this is how i came to muster the courage and the tact to finally express to him what's

why did i drink caffeine at 9pm?

2006-09-25T00:12:00.000-04:00

because now i can't sleep. sigh. so, in an effort to exhaust myself i will write what is on my mind.weekend: slow white practice at roger williams. goaltimate sat afternoon. played well. jasper later commented on my "sticky hands". woot. par-tay saturday night. lots of people got waaaasted. early, too. most of us were gone by 9pm. we are rock stars. teddy, kris, and steve puked, that

breakthrough (#2?)

2006-09-12T14:07:00.000-04:00

some people say that depression is simply misplaced anger. anger towards your friend, your spouse, your parent, your boss, or the world in general becomes directed inward, and you sink into a self-hate-filled depression. seems simple enough. but i was not prepared for the power of understanding the source of that anger.i thought i hated myself, and just need to learn to be easier on myself.

i exist and i get angry and that's OK

2006-08-29T22:47:00.000-04:00

there are starting to be reoccuring themes in my sessions with lisa. one is that sometimes, i'm afraid to make space for myself -- to simply be. for example, i identified one of the reasons i find going over to the pollard lab to do TIRFM experiments is that i feel like i'm bothering people in that lab. upon further questioning, it came out that i felt that by simply being there in the lab, i

can't sleep... (fallen hero?)

2006-08-02T00:44:00.000-04:00

seems i've been here before: mind full of thoughts, preventing me from sleeping. so i get up and have a bite to eat, to calm my stomach (turns out i was also a little hungry), and figure i'll try to capture some of those thoughts...started seeing lisa again. second session today. part of me had been wondering why i am still struggling -- why hadn't i been "cured" yet? not surprisingly, i

teamwork, support, parents

2006-07-23T23:23:00.000-04:00

it's been a while...i don't feel stuck anymore. i went up in dosage on my meds (anti-depressants) and i've seen an effect. i don't feel like sleeping 12+ hours a day. i am in much better spirits. more energy, more motivated. i can make decisions. i'm a little concerned about having to go up in dosage already (i guess it's been 8 months), but if it helps make things easier, then OK.mom and

stuck

2006-06-30T23:51:00.000-04:00

i've been here before. seemingly doing OK on the outside, a total mess on the inside. spinning my wheels. i just can't get control...no wonder why i have those dreams about driving a car that's out of control, or leading a group of people except not knowing where i'm going...the warning signs are clear: bingeing. uncontrolled, daily. patterns. behaviors. situations. life? me?i still

random things

2006-06-29T00:19:00.000-04:00

random things that are on my mind:- stressed about lab...but in a good way? you know how they say a little stress is good? i.e. that it gets us to get stuff done? i'm hoping that's the kind of stress i'm feeling. ever since i talked to enrique and he basically told me i needed to "earn" my vacation in november (for going to worlds in australia), i've been a little anxious about putting in

bragging

2006-02-22T00:40:00.000-05:00

if i can't brag about myself on my blog, where can i?i had a freakin' awesome winter league game tonight. freakin' awesome. i'm talking D here. OK, so there are some not-s0-good players in winter league who throw ill-advised throws to the girl i'm covering, but still. they weren't thrown directly at me; i had to anticipate them and GO TO the bad throw and knock it away. in other words, the

another year older...

2006-02-19T23:21:00.000-05:00

but am i another year wiser?had a fabulous birthday weekend. help a party at my place thursday night. so great to have a houseful of friends. really made me realize how many good friends i have -- and i am so appreciative of that fact. it also made me realize how i wouldn't have been able to make it through my recent tough times without all my friends. i gave out little gifts to various

what a week

2006-02-18T00:30:00.000-05:00

Tues - told andrew i was switching labs. had a negative effect on my appetite: was not hungry. didn't really eat much after winter league either. couldn't sleep, got up and ate dinner.Wed - a good day. told lab i was switching at tea time. it was a little nerve-wracking and that took away my appetite.Thurs - an even better day. told Enrique i wanted to join his lab for sure. he made an

clarity

2006-02-14T15:06:00.000-05:00

it's funny how smoking clears my mind. slows things down. makes everything seem more real, the little details more significant.i felt the cold, saw my breath (from the cold not from the smoke). i heard music in the distance -- maybe bells ringing? water was dripping. i thought, "why go on?" why not just lie down in the cold, wet snow, and stop. the courtyard was quiet, empty. and then i

quiet

2006-02-11T23:38:00.000-05:00

it is snowing out, quietly but steadily. they are predicting up to 16" of snow. perhaps i will go skiing, finally.i am sitting at my desk, which is cluttered as usual. i can't seem to keep it clean for longer than 24 hours. i think my problem is that i can't throw things away right away -- i have to let the moment pass, then i am ready to part with them.i have lit a candle, one of the small red